Personal Relationships | Stress | Conflict - Confrontation - Resolution | Love your Enemies
  I had trouble coming up with a title for this page.
It is intended address the best way to deal with personal conflicts whether they be between friends, family, or associates regarding personal, professional, political, religious, money, or other subjects.
A lot of news recently has to with congress's lack of trust or respect for the other side and inability to compromise. Distrust between people of different religious faiths is also a hot topic.
I don't have the time or expertise to even scratch the surface in this area, so this is just a place where I can put articles of interest on this subject.
David Brooks article "How People Change" -, Nov 26, 2012 was about Nick Crew's e-mail titled "Dear All Three," published in U.K. newspaper The Telegraph. It excoriates his three grown children for their professional and personal failures and for the "bitter disappointment each of you has in your own way dished out".

But, Brooks bottom line refers to his domain, politics.

Brooks says,
"I happen to cover a field -- politics -- in which people are perpetually bellowing at each other to be better. They're always issuing the political version of the Crews Missile.

It's a lousy leadership model. Don't try to bludgeon bad behavior. Change the underlying context. Change the behavior triggers. Displace bad behavior with different good behavior. Be oblique. Redirect."

The rest of his article tries to explain it. In part he says,

"People don't behave badly because they lack information about their shortcomings. They behave badly because they've fallen into patterns of destructive behavior from which they're unable to escape.

Human behavior flows from hidden springs and calls for constant and crafty prodding more than blunt hectoring. The way to get someone out of a negative cascade is not with a ferocious e-mail trying to attack their bad behavior. It's to go on offense and try to maximize some alternative good behavior. There's a trove of research suggesting that it's best to tackle negative behaviors obliquely, by redirecting attention toward different, positive ones.

It's foolhardy to try to persuade people to see the profound errors of their ways in the hope that mental change will lead to behavioral change. Instead, try to change superficial behavior first and hope that, if they act differently, they'll eventually think differently. Lure people toward success with the promise of admiration instead of trying to punish failure with criticism. Positive rewards are more powerful.

"We can All Do Better", Bill Bradley

Conflict Resolution - The Four Horsemen: Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, & Stonewalling
What Shapes Political Views
Civil Discourse

Resolving conflict - Google Search
Conflict Resolution - Resolving conflict rationally and effectively - Leadership training from
Conflict Resolution Skills: Turning Conflicts into Opportunities at
Resolving conflict marriage - Google Search
24 Guidelines for Resolving Conflicts in Marriage at Christian Broadcast Network

last updated 2 Dec 2012