|Personal Relationships | Stress | Conflict - Confrontation - Resolution | Love your Enemies|
But, Brooks bottom line refers to his domain, politics.
"I happen to cover a field -- politics -- in which people are perpetually bellowing at each other to be better. They're always issuing the political version of the Crews Missile.
It's a lousy leadership model. Don't try to bludgeon bad behavior. Change the underlying context. Change the behavior triggers. Displace bad behavior with different good behavior. Be oblique. Redirect."
The rest of his article tries to explain it. In part he says,
"People don't behave badly because they lack information about their shortcomings. They behave badly because they've fallen into patterns of destructive behavior from which they're unable to escape.
Human behavior flows from hidden springs and calls for constant and crafty prodding more than blunt hectoring. The way to get someone out of a negative cascade is not with a ferocious e-mail trying to attack their bad behavior. It's to go on offense and try to maximize some alternative good behavior. There's a trove of research suggesting that it's best to tackle negative behaviors obliquely, by redirecting attention toward different, positive ones.
It's foolhardy to try to persuade people to see the profound errors of their ways in the hope that mental change will lead to behavioral change. Instead, try to change superficial behavior first and hope that, if they act differently, they'll eventually think differently. Lure people toward success with the promise of admiration instead of trying to punish failure with criticism. Positive rewards are more powerful.
"We can All Do Better", Bill Bradley
Conflict Resolution - The Four Horsemen: Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, & Stonewalling
What Shapes Political Views
Resolving conflict - Google Search
Conflict Resolution - Resolving conflict rationally and effectively - Leadership training from MindTools.com
Conflict Resolution Skills: Turning Conflicts into Opportunities at helpguide.org
Resolving conflict marriage - Google Search
24 Guidelines for Resolving Conflicts in Marriage at Christian Broadcast Network