Subject: Harps Pub v Saddam  
 
Saddam Hussein was sitting in his office wondering whom to invade next  
when his telephone rang.  
 
"Hello, Mr. Hussein!" a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy  
down at the Harp Pub in County Sligo, Ireland. I am ringing to inform  
you that we are officially declaring war on you!"  
 
"Well, Paddy," Saddam replied, "this is indeed important news! How big  
is your army?"  
"Right now," said Paddy, after a moment's calculation, "there is myself,  
my cousin Sean, my next door neighbor Seamus, and the entire dart team  
from the pub. That makes eight!"  
Saddam paused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 500 thousand men in  
my army waiting to move on my command."  
 
"Begorra!" said Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back!" Sure enough,  
the next day, Paddy called again. "Mr. Hussein, the war is still on! We  
have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"  
"And what equipment would that be, Paddy?" Saddam asked. "Well, we  
have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor." Saddam  
sighed. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 2,000 tanks and 6,000  
armored personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to 750 thousand
since we last spoke."  

 "Saints preserve us!" said Paddy. "I'll have to get back to you." Once  
again, Paddy rang again the next day. "Mr. Hussein, the war is still  
on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We've modified  
Harrigan's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and  
four boys from the Shamrock Pub have joined us as well!"  
Saddam was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell  
you, Paddy, that I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes. My  
military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile  
sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to ONE MILLION!"  
 
"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!" said Paddy, "I'll have to ring you back."  
Sure enough, Paddy called again the next day. "Top o' the mornin', Mr.  
Hussein! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war."  
"I'm sorry to hear that," said Saddam. "Why the sudden change of heart?"  
"Well," said Paddy, "we've all had a long chat over a few pints, and  
decided there's no way we can feed one million prisoners."